I knew having a baby would change our family. I knew having twins was going to be a complete upheaval. I wasn't prepared for how having these babies would change us as a family unit and how much it would change me.
After Lydia was born, 3 years ago on the 26th, I had a very difficult time. I'm sure anybody who knows me personally didn't much enjoy me. I struggled with depression. Daniel's work schedule was very hard. Elijah was extremely difficult to deal with. I was fighting my life. I wasn't content in anything. It was a very hard time. So when Daniel very seriously started talking about wanting a baby, I fought that, too. I didn't WANT another baby. I felt like I couldn't handle the children I had. Throw on top of that being sick every 45 minutes all day with a pregnancy . . . . . . no thank you. But the Lord worked on my heart. And one day He told me that when the time came that I was ready for another baby, I might not be ABLE to have another baby. Wow. Talk about a punch in the gut. So along comes that first, faint, positive pregnancy test.
I'll fast forward to just after the birth of the twins. It was hard. I had to have a 4 unit blood transfusion and that was scary. I felt awful after the birth from being so anemic for so long and the ordeal of the birth and transfusion. I had no idea how hard it would be on my body to have been that low for so long. Adjusting to their births was more time consuming than I had thought. It was a good 10 days before I felt "maternal" towards them. But then it just seemed like things clicked one day and I realized these babies were the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.
All the sudden I was so content in my life. The babies didn't require an overwhelming amount of work. More work? Yes, of course. I was exclusively pumping for both of them and changing diapers and feedings and taking care of the other children was/is truly a full time job. (Praise the Lord we no longer pump. They both nurse now.) But it all just seemed to flow somehow. I'm enjoying my life so much more than I did before they were here. And I don't know if I'm enjoying the "twin" aspect of it. Maybe I would have settled in the same way had we had another singleton. Maybe God knew the uniqueness of having multiples would settle me - I don't know. But I'm having the time of my life. They just "fit". I've never been more settled and content. Someone used the phrase "calming influence" and that is precisely what has been brought to our home with their births.
Yes, having twins is a lot of work. But it doesn't really feel like SO MUCH WORK now that they are here. They are so much fun. And its a truly wonderful thing to watch my older children interacting with the babies and each other. I'm having fun watching them grow and develop. Its very interesting to have 2 babies the exact same age and watching them do the exact same things at the exact same times. Yet they are so different. And its a joy to see some of the character traits that we've been TRYING to instill in our older children coming out in how they deal with the babies. Elijah is so gentle and even Lydia is amazing with them. Abi is the "little mother" that I expected her to be, maybe even more than I thought she would be!
Looking forward to what the Lord has in store for the future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .