Monday, December 6, 2010

A House . . . A Home

I haven't posted about this particular "thing" for which I'm thankful because I'm deeply emotional about it. Unless you've been in my position I don't think you can completely understand and I doubt I'll be able to make you understand in this post but . . . today I'm thankful for our house.

For the last 6 years we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was a nice apartment. When we moved in I was pregnant with our second child, Elijah. It was more room than we NEEDED although it was an adjustment moving from a 4 bedroom farmhouse to a two bedroom apartment. I was devastated when I had to get rid of my grandfather's secretary to move into that apartment. I think I'll always regret that. But anyway . . . .

The apartment was what we needed at the time. Little did I know, we would be there for 6 years. But after having moved 8 times the first 2 years of our marriage, I told Daniel I didn't want to move again until we moved into a house. Then Lydia came. 3 children in one bedroom. It was tight.

After Lydia was born, I had a very tough 18 months. Daniel was on a horrible schedule and I really struggled with depression. Elijah was incredibly difficult. And then Daniel started talking about wanting another child. I refused. I knew I couldn't do another baby, alone 90% of the time in that apartment that seemed to be shrinking as each child continued to grow. During this period we also only had one vehicle. It was very difficult.

Eventually the Lord worked on my heart and I agreed to have another child but there was absolutely NO ROOM for a 5th child in that apartment! We HAD to move and soon. Lo and behold, I got pregnant with the twins. What do you do? We made it work. It still boggles my mind that we made it work. I often prayed that the Lord would make me content with what He had given us, a 2 bedroom apartment and 5 wonderful children and one vehicle. It wasn't easy. Yet, I was tired of the criticism from others. Comments such as "what are you going to do with another baby in THAT apartment?" and "how are you going to do it?" and people reminding me of how small our place was. As if I didn't live there every day with the knowledge of our space constraints in my face all the time.

But aren't we supposed to be content in whatever state we are in? Are we not to be grateful for all things? Even that tiny apartment and one vehicle? God gave us all our children. Its not like we PLANNED on twins or could conceive them by our own design. Neither did we plan on an economic downturn or pay cuts. Life happens.

Then the Lord gave us this house to rent. I'm thankful and I'm grateful. I didn't realize how very much God was answering my prayers to help me be content until we moved out and I didn't NEED to be content in that apartment anymore. The extra living expenses, the increased rent . . . its all worth it. We have some space. We don't have a massive excess of space but there is room for us all now. We have a yard. I have a washer and dryer. Someone commented on my facebook page about loving how I appreciated the small things, like my washer and dryer. Go without them. Its not a small thing. Not with 7 family members in the house. 13.5 years of the last 15 years of my life have been lived without a washer and dryer. Its not a small thing.

So, today, I want to thank the Lord for the beautiful gift of this house. Words just aren't enough.

1 comment:

  1. I actually do understand! And I am so happy for you that you are in a place of comfort now! Glory be to God!